So this semester is the first of the last day of being an undergrad student at UCF. Whew!! I never thought i'd be seeing this day. These past 3 years have been a forever anticipation of what i've worked towards. Although part of me pictured this day somewhat different, I'm truly blessed to be surrounded by people who have helped me get here especially my mother whom i have my degree to thank for.
On another note. Everyone around me is getting pregnant and I'm so excited to be able to be part of their journey to motherhood!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
New Year New Expectations
I'm happy to say that I brought in 2011 much better than I dd the last. I managed to be in the company of loved ones, my siblings Karen and Steve. Although our night took us to an unusual night club, it most defintely was a memorable night one I wont forget. I spent my first 12 days of the year among family, great friendships and the best part of all traveling! Oh and also the opportunity to have met someone truly special and unique. Although there are no guarantee's, I'm fortunate enough to meet someone who can offer more than a vague conversation, someone who can ignite mind body and soul.Something not quiete common to come across.
I look forward to this year being able to check off some of a few TO DO's
Number One on the list. SKYDIVE!! for my 24th birthday.
The list continues which will be another blog, other from that Goodnight
I look forward to this year being able to check off some of a few TO DO's
Number One on the list. SKYDIVE!! for my 24th birthday.
The list continues which will be another blog, other from that Goodnight
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Hectic weekend ahead of me
So David's birthday will be this Saturday. At 11:55 am is when he was placed in my arms, The single greates moment of my life. I'm doing his big bday party Saturday at my mom's house: there will be a clown, music, games, piñata, a bounce house. Basically the WORKS!!
When I started to do this I received a lot of criticism from people9 mostly certain family memmbers) because a) he was to young he wouldn't remember and b) it was unnecessary splurging.
Although alot of time and work goes into doing this for David at the end of the day ever single penny that is put into this has been worth the money, late nights and priceless smile on my son's face.
I am following a blog that changed and altered my own patience and temper with David. It's the story of a little boy called Ezra who was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma. He passed away Sunday not even making it to his 3rd year and i'm privileged among many other mom and dad's to be able to celebrate a year of life. So why not splurge on something you only celebrate once a year?
I will post pictures up of his bday. His family from his dad's side are all flying in Friday and although I love them all very much ( grandparents, uncle and aunt and his dad) it's truly funny to be able to have your own private viewing of MY Big Fat Greek Wedding scene where the parents of her boyfriend come over and meet her family. Lets just say minus the roasting lamb out front in the law it is basically the same lol.
When I started to do this I received a lot of criticism from people9 mostly certain family memmbers) because a) he was to young he wouldn't remember and b) it was unnecessary splurging.
Although alot of time and work goes into doing this for David at the end of the day ever single penny that is put into this has been worth the money, late nights and priceless smile on my son's face.
I am following a blog that changed and altered my own patience and temper with David. It's the story of a little boy called Ezra who was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma. He passed away Sunday not even making it to his 3rd year and i'm privileged among many other mom and dad's to be able to celebrate a year of life. So why not splurge on something you only celebrate once a year?
I will post pictures up of his bday. His family from his dad's side are all flying in Friday and although I love them all very much ( grandparents, uncle and aunt and his dad) it's truly funny to be able to have your own private viewing of MY Big Fat Greek Wedding scene where the parents of her boyfriend come over and meet her family. Lets just say minus the roasting lamb out front in the law it is basically the same lol.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
You dont learn to appreciate the little things in life until your doing it on your on and with a baby. Today is just one of those days where I'm emotionlly exhausted in keeping it together all the time.. Smiles are so easy to put on but at the end of the day put on Under the bridge by Red Hot chili peppers and the flood gates open.(BTW my favorite song)
I leave school at 9pm get david at 10 and home by 1030. Day does not end there
Taking out garbage, taking grocieries in, walking into a gas station to pay for gas are luxuries, need to always carefully examine. Taking out the garbage must be done in the daytime, At night it out of the question... leaving a 3 yr old alone i wouldnt live with myself if something happened. Leave a baby in the car for slightly 2 minutes in the car, a zillion things can occur. A guy i once heard about walked in and out of a grocery and double parked leaving keys in ignition and was robbed. Although im sure he didnt think something would happen it did.Groceries are sometimes the hardest day not because i dont enjoy buying food but up and down up and down.. It's the most smallest things like that that make me miss having someone in my life.. But these same things never even make me slightly miss you. You didnt even ever offer to hold a door for me less likely take groceries up for me. Today im reminded of your selfishness and how everyday for almost 4 yrs you belittled me. I once felt like a woman who was comfortable in her own body you turned that into doubt and I know look back and just SIGH. Its amazing how much hurt one can cause with one single look or even one single word STAMINA. I'll forever remember how you marked me with that.
Wish I could call and just have you hear me out, but your badge and gun was more important even at 6 weeks of life of david that was a priority, how silly am I to think i would even be important enough to spare 2 minutes,
I call and complain wanting to hear warm words and encounter critisim and rage, "Its your own fault YOU put yourself in that situation, who told you to move suck it up." Is what i hear instead. YOu never struck your hand at me but your words were like an ice pick dug deep inside and that is worse.
August 6th is the day I'll walk with pride my head raised as high as the moon and stars. You stripped me of tears I should never had shed on you but never will you strip that smile on my face when I look at you and realize I am and will always be better than you. I'm a better human being,person,friend,lover,mother and companion.
And the best part of all that. Is that i'm thankful of having met you. You added/took some clay from my molding process. And now you've paved the way for an excellent man to come and now recieve what I have to offer love, companionship, laughter, a shoulder to cry on, friendship, trust = ME. I dont expect to meet him today nor tomorrow but when the time is right i know we will both know it felt right.
I leave school at 9pm get david at 10 and home by 1030. Day does not end there
Taking out garbage, taking grocieries in, walking into a gas station to pay for gas are luxuries, need to always carefully examine. Taking out the garbage must be done in the daytime, At night it out of the question... leaving a 3 yr old alone i wouldnt live with myself if something happened. Leave a baby in the car for slightly 2 minutes in the car, a zillion things can occur. A guy i once heard about walked in and out of a grocery and double parked leaving keys in ignition and was robbed. Although im sure he didnt think something would happen it did.Groceries are sometimes the hardest day not because i dont enjoy buying food but up and down up and down.. It's the most smallest things like that that make me miss having someone in my life.. But these same things never even make me slightly miss you. You didnt even ever offer to hold a door for me less likely take groceries up for me. Today im reminded of your selfishness and how everyday for almost 4 yrs you belittled me. I once felt like a woman who was comfortable in her own body you turned that into doubt and I know look back and just SIGH. Its amazing how much hurt one can cause with one single look or even one single word STAMINA. I'll forever remember how you marked me with that.
Wish I could call and just have you hear me out, but your badge and gun was more important even at 6 weeks of life of david that was a priority, how silly am I to think i would even be important enough to spare 2 minutes,
I call and complain wanting to hear warm words and encounter critisim and rage, "Its your own fault YOU put yourself in that situation, who told you to move suck it up." Is what i hear instead. YOu never struck your hand at me but your words were like an ice pick dug deep inside and that is worse.
August 6th is the day I'll walk with pride my head raised as high as the moon and stars. You stripped me of tears I should never had shed on you but never will you strip that smile on my face when I look at you and realize I am and will always be better than you. I'm a better human being,person,friend,lover,mother and companion.
And the best part of all that. Is that i'm thankful of having met you. You added/took some clay from my molding process. And now you've paved the way for an excellent man to come and now recieve what I have to offer love, companionship, laughter, a shoulder to cry on, friendship, trust = ME. I dont expect to meet him today nor tomorrow but when the time is right i know we will both know it felt right.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
NYC
Today was definitely one of those nostalgic moments of missing the city where I grew up in.The city where I first learned about music in general especially hip hop(true hip hop)a place where the minute you step your foot outside your door the possibilities of who you meet are endless,where your patience challenges you each day either by the MTA or even a loud rude taxi cab driver haha and the city where you can order Chinese takeout at 4 am. A city that truly does not sleep
Wow how I miss you so so much. Days as today I sit and gaze into memories of taking the 7 and walking past public playgrounds which in my opinion are beautiful and historical to new York itself (not many in Kissimmee) I like to put on Big L, Nas, Inmortal Technique and Wu Tang Clan.For some reason they always give me a flashback of standing on a train platform listning to my ipod.Sigh… Can’t wait to make this city my current one.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Recap
Reading back now to my first original post I remembered my real true intentions as to why I decided to begin this blog. Life is always going to give you bumps along this road we call life or journey but it's knowing how to roll with them that shows our real character and makes us a better person and ultimately a better generation. My purpose in life i have yet to know it but I have hopes of one day recieving God's greatest gift or one of his many great gifts and it's love. I'm not talking about the love you recieve from family or friends or even your kids. I'm talking about that love you read or see about. Maybe it's far fetched for me, but Hope is one of the greastest thing a human being can feel. I feel without Hope your just an empty shell.
I never went into great detail what really led me to start blogging, except for the fact that its an apparent new trend and part of me misses the Xanga era (yes Xanga!).
My separation from David's dad is far to complicated to even bother going into detail, but it's one of those bumps along my road i needed to encounter which has build the strong character I hold now. Surprisingly we carry a pretty astonishing and amazing relationship( at least to me its that) Things completely ended for us and i've moved on from the hope of reignited that relationship. Many might think hey shouldnt you be thinking of working things out instead of moving on? and i respect your opinion but when so much pain is inflicted your better off walking into different directions. He needs to grow as a person and he needs to do it alone. I'm a better mom everyday and this balanced out relationship is much healthier for David.
October 2009 was the hardest month i lived breaking news of a marriage i had no idea was occuring, 2 car accident and 2 failed classes later on. Wooof! am i glad 2009 now is behind me and now i'm livin this and moving onto 2011 with such a different perspective than then.
I live by the following " LIfe is not the breaths you take but the moments that take your breath away" A may sound like a cheesy or corny saying but I have hope that a moment like that will come and I can say what I'm happy to see my friend kasey say" A fresh breath of air" =)
I never went into great detail what really led me to start blogging, except for the fact that its an apparent new trend and part of me misses the Xanga era (yes Xanga!).
My separation from David's dad is far to complicated to even bother going into detail, but it's one of those bumps along my road i needed to encounter which has build the strong character I hold now. Surprisingly we carry a pretty astonishing and amazing relationship( at least to me its that) Things completely ended for us and i've moved on from the hope of reignited that relationship. Many might think hey shouldnt you be thinking of working things out instead of moving on? and i respect your opinion but when so much pain is inflicted your better off walking into different directions. He needs to grow as a person and he needs to do it alone. I'm a better mom everyday and this balanced out relationship is much healthier for David.
October 2009 was the hardest month i lived breaking news of a marriage i had no idea was occuring, 2 car accident and 2 failed classes later on. Wooof! am i glad 2009 now is behind me and now i'm livin this and moving onto 2011 with such a different perspective than then.
I live by the following " LIfe is not the breaths you take but the moments that take your breath away" A may sound like a cheesy or corny saying but I have hope that a moment like that will come and I can say what I'm happy to see my friend kasey say" A fresh breath of air" =)
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Mathews Story
So apparently i just tried to publish the post and eveything I wrote got erased... Ugh dont you just miss the old days where it was only pen and paper and could only blame it on the dog for loosing something. Well today was a pretty relaxed day stayed home all day. Been going through a financial Rut and cant even afford to go out on the days I dont go to school to spare gas those days. But either way I'm still grateful to God for other things. Pretty much cleaned cooked and enjoyed watching David build with his legos right up to the moment when he took a crayon a BLACK crayon and decided it was a blank piece of paper and colored it up. UGH i was not a very happy camper considering these are newly tiled floors, so after the harsh scream, mild spanking and timeout I made him clean it himself at his best ability and off he was for an early bedtime. Many of you might thing probably over did it but i've learned something these past almost 3 yrs of being a single mother is that true motherly love is discipling your child even if it does feel like a knife is pentrating your heart.
As i'm ready to put a close to the end of my night I decided to check my email before hitting the haysack and recieved an email from my dear friend Kasey.The minute i start reading this blog the tears start pouring down. Its of the story of Ezra a 2 yr old boy fighting neuroblastoma a rare type of cancer mostly found in infants and yet no cure for it. My little one is only a few months older and now looking back being so upset at him seems almost nonsense compared to what this family is going through.
I guess sometimes we let things like financial burdens or everyday life stresses really take over what is truly important. My thought and prayer go to this family.
Just another day of rollercoaster emotions
http://thematthewsstory.com/2010/10/19/let-me-hold-you/
As i'm ready to put a close to the end of my night I decided to check my email before hitting the haysack and recieved an email from my dear friend Kasey.The minute i start reading this blog the tears start pouring down. Its of the story of Ezra a 2 yr old boy fighting neuroblastoma a rare type of cancer mostly found in infants and yet no cure for it. My little one is only a few months older and now looking back being so upset at him seems almost nonsense compared to what this family is going through.
I guess sometimes we let things like financial burdens or everyday life stresses really take over what is truly important. My thought and prayer go to this family.
Just another day of rollercoaster emotions
http://thematthewsstory.com/2010/10/19/let-me-hold-you/
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)